The Journey to Authentic Manhood and Stronger Marriages

In a culture that often dismisses or misunderstands masculine pain, the One by One podcast offers a refreshing and honest exploration of this critical topic. Hosts Nick, Austin, and Meghan bring their combined expertise in therapy, coaching, and personal development to discuss how unresolved masculine wounds impact marriages and families.

Austin, a former therapist who directed addiction recovery clinics, brings clinical insights to the conversation, while Meghan offers the valuable feminine perspective on how men's pain affects relationships. Nick's background in family counseling rounds out the trio as they tackle the unspoken reality that many men carry deep wounds from childhood that manifest in destructive patterns in adulthood. This episode delves into how these wounds create broken cycles where men seek external validation rather than addressing core beliefs about their lovability and capability, and offers hope for genuine healing through divine connection.

The Root of Masculine Pain  

Men's pain often begins in childhood, where they receive messaging about who they are and what they're capable of. Nick vulnerably shares his own experience of being told by his father that he wasn't an artist despite his natural talent and passion for drawing. This seemingly small moment had profound implications, leading Nick to reject a part of himself and later influencing his educational choices away from graphic design. The hosts explain that this rejection wasn't born of malice but from Nick's father's own wounds - being abandoned by his own father who questioned whether Nick's dad was even his son. This generational pattern reveals how unaddressed pain gets passed down as fathers attempt to protect their sons from similar rejection.

These childhood wounds create what the hosts call "attacks on lovability and capability" - core beliefs that a person is either not worthy of love or not capable of succeeding. Many men develop a bottomless pit of need, constantly seeking validation that they're good enough. Austin describes how men often make "limiting decisions" in childhood where they decide they're not enough, and then these decisions become part of their identity. No matter how successful they become or how much affection their wife shows, they continue operating from this belief of inadequacy, perpetually seeking to fill the void.

The conversation highlights that this pain manifests differently for each man, but the pattern is consistent - men retreat to counterfeit versions of masculinity when they don't feel secure in their true identity. Nick points out a provocative truth: many activities men consider masculine - like excessive sports viewing, video gaming, or constant career climbing - can actually represent retreats into the feminine energy of passive consumption rather than the active masculine energy of doing and creating. This misalignment creates relationships where men unknowingly abandon their masculine responsibilities, forcing their wives to step into that role out of necessity.

How Masculine Pain Affects Marriages  

When men carry unhealed wounds into marriage, they often unconsciously place unfair expectations on their wives. Meghan explains that many men look to women to validate their masculinity and tell them they're "men enough" - something women are fundamentally unable to provide. This creates an impossible dynamic where men seek something their wives cannot give, leading to increasing frustration for both. The wife often finds herself mothering a wounded boy rather than partnering with a secure man, creating the all-too-common dynamic where women joke, "I have four kids and the biggest one is my husband."

This misalignment forces women into masculine roles they were never meant to occupy. When men retreat from true masculinity into passive entertainment or workaholism, their wives must take on the responsibilities of protection, provision, and leadership. The result is burnout, resentment, and sexual disconnection. Austin notes that many women pour love, affection, and even sex into the "bottomless pit" of their husband's need for validation, but nothing satisfies because the wound isn't being addressed at its root. Over time, many women check out emotionally because nothing they do seems to help.

The hosts observe that this pattern explains much of modern marriage dissatisfaction. Men feel inadequate and retreat further into counterfeit masculinity, while women become increasingly exhausted from carrying responsibilities that weren't meant to be theirs alone. This creates a vicious cycle where neither partner feels fulfilled or properly valued. Austin shares research showing that when men step up into healthy masculinity, marriages often heal naturally, as women are able to return to their feminine energy and reconnect with their husbands.

The Path to Masculine Healing  

The healing journey for men begins with honesty - admitting that they're not okay and that they need help. Nick emphasizes that men must overcome the cultural conditioning that tells them to "keep their chin up" and never show weakness. This vulnerability isn't weakness but strength, as it opens the door to genuine transformation. Austin shares his own experience of breaking down completely - to the point where his wife considered taking him to the emergency room - and how this breakthrough led to his healing as he finally faced the pain he'd been avoiding.

Men need both fathering and mothering from divine sources to heal completely. Nick describes powerful experiences of connecting with Heavenly Mother, who provided the nurturing healing that his wounded inner child needed. Austin explains that men must first receive nurturing for their wounds before they can receive direction about becoming a man. This spiritual nurturing lays the foundation for the second phase where Heavenly Father then guides them into authentic masculinity - knowing they are capable and have what it takes to face life's challenges.

The healing process follows a pattern similar to what Austin calls the "Last Samurai" model - first receiving nurturing care after being wounded, then entering training to develop new capabilities. Men must learn to ask the question "what lack I yet?" and be willing to hear the answer, even when it's painful. Both Nick and Austin emphasize that this isn't just a psychological process but a deeply spiritual one that requires divine intervention. The goal isn't just the absence of pain but the presence of a new identity - knowing who you truly are and living from that truth rather than from old wounds.

Breaking Free from False Beliefs About Pain  

Perhaps the most paradigm-shifting aspect of the conversation comes when Meghan challenges common beliefs about suffering. She points out that throughout Christ's ministry, He never told someone to remain in their pain because it was "God's will" or "part of mortality." Instead, He consistently healed people who came to Him in faith. The hosts suggest that much of our acceptance of pain as "God's plan" represents false beliefs rather than divine truth.

This perspective transforms how we view healing. If God doesn't want us to remain in pain, then immediate transformation is possible rather than years of slow recovery. The hosts describe how healing often happens in an instant when we make a new decision - when we shift our paradigm from believing we're fundamentally broken to knowing we are divine beings temporarily experiencing human limitations. This doesn't mean the work is easy, but it does mean breakthrough can happen much faster than we typically believe.

Austin shares how true healing involves recognizing that "anything less than who you truly are is not you." When men stop identifying with their wounds, sins, or shortcomings and instead recognize their divine identity, they naturally begin shedding behaviors that don't align with that identity. The conversation offers hope that even decades-long patterns can change rapidly when men embrace their true nature as sons of God with divine potential.

Steps Toward Healing and Wholeness  

If you recognize patterns of unhealed masculine pain in yourself or your marriage, the hosts offer several practical steps toward transformation:

• Acknowledge the pain - Stop pretending everything is fine when it isn't. The first step to healing is honest admission of your struggles.

• Seek divine nurturing - Create space for spiritual connection where you can experience God's love and nurturing for your wounds.

• Ask "what lack I yet?" - Have the courage to ask what's missing in your development and be willing to hear the answer.

• Recognize false beliefs - Examine beliefs about pain, suffering, and your own identity that may be keeping you stuck.

• Stop seeking validation from your spouse - Recognize that your wife cannot heal your masculinity wounds or tell you that you're "man enough."

• Step into true masculine energy - Take responsibility for your home, family, and spiritual leadership rather than retreating to passive entertainment.

• Be patient with the process - While transformation can happen quickly, integration takes time as you learn to live from your new identity.

The journey to healed masculinity isn't just about personal wholeness - it's about creating the marriages and families God intended. When men heal their core wounds and step into authentic masculinity, they create space for their wives to flourish in feminine energy. Children benefit from seeing healthy models of manhood and womanhood rather than perpetuating broken patterns.

Most importantly, the hosts emphasize that you don't have to do this alone. Seek support from others who understand this journey, whether through programs like those offered by "One by One" or other resources that honor both psychological and spiritual aspects of healing. The message is clear: transformation is possible, and God is eager to help you become the man you were created to be. Don't wait to begin this journey - your marriage, your family, and your own heart are worth the effort of breaking free from pain and stepping into wholeness.